Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship

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Be like water that flows around the obstacles and always finds the way.

Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship

Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship

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Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship PDF  Two Seduction Strategies

There are only two strategies for seducing a woman. A man may invest considerable effort into overpowering her defense mechanisms by proving to her his masculine greatness and by hammering at her with his charm until she can no longer resist; or he may invest minimum effort into architecting a socio-psychological situation where a woman’s natural sexual drive (which is stronger than any man’s) is channeled properly into seduction.

We can do our best to seduce a woman or we can help her to seduce us.

Both ways work. It really makes no difference which strategy we use as long as it is successful.

In some situations active, persistent attack works best; in others, we might have to sit back and enjoy the ride.

There’s art in recognizing which strategy to use in what situation.

Gauging a woman’s character and her immediate responses is the key to seduction.

Of course you will find it easier to help a woman seduce you. In the courtship process this strategy should be used as much as possible. But sometimes you will have to use very aggressive seduction, which might require effort.

I want you to think about these two opposite strategies as “Lazy Way” and “Busy Way”.

Understanding the difference between them means understanding the core principle of seduction.

And if you understand the principles, you can improvise new techniques.

“Lazy” means, “I let her do all the work while I sit back and enjoy”, and “Busy” means, “I personally dismantle all her barriers and invest maximum effort in the seduction”.

“Lazy” means, “she seduces me”. “Busy” means, “I seduce her”.

Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship Preparing a Date

Explore your neighborhood and find all the bars and coffee shops and diners that you feel are cozy, unique and interesting enough to invite a woman to. You may even write down the specific “selling points” of each venue —things you will mention to her when you invite her out.

“There’s this little diner a few blocks away from where I live that looks like a medieval castle. I feel like sharing it with you”.

“There’s a place around the corner from where I live that has the coziest, comfiest chairs and darkest rooms I’ve seen in a bar. I’d like to take you there.”

“I know a bar in my neighborhood where a ninety-year old jazz pianist plays evergreens every Friday night. The guy played with Armstrong, and he still raises hell. I think we should go together next Friday”.

“A ten minute walk from where I live there’s a pizza joint that opened in the 1950s. This is the place that has set the standard for all the pizza restaurants in NYC. Let’s have a slice there together”

Have a list of things like that ready. It should be close to where you live.

Next step: begin to frequent these places, and make friends with all the staff. Talk to them as an equal, befriend them—men and women equally; tip them well. Make them recognize you every time you show up, make sure they know you by name. Talk to them about whatever they like to talk about–football, politics, “Lord of the Rings”—whatever their bliss might be. Just get them talking and be engaged in the topic.

This is not so much about becoming a “popular” guy, more like a friendly man who thinks of people as human beings, not just service functionaries. I suggest you behave this way wherever you go, not only in your prospective date venues.

So you do it for a few weeks and get to know them and they get to know you. Now when you meet a girl and get her number and talk to her—you ask her, “What’s your schedule like next week?” She tells you the schedule, then you tell her, “There’s a bar a few blocks away from where I live that has huge fake Rembrandt paintings all over the walls. I’d like to share it with you, and I think you might find the experience unforgettable. Drinks are great, and far from fake”,—or whatever is the real selling point of the place that you want to invite her to.

She says, “Sure”, or “Why not?”

You say, “How does six in the evening work for you?”

She says, “Let’s make it eight”.

Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship  Activating the Contact

Call right away. Literally. That’s what I do. The moment after a woman has given me her phone number, I call her. Then I talk to her on the phone about whatever we’d been talking about half a minute earlier. She and I stand in front of each other, gazing into each other’s eyes and we talk on the phone. This immediately becomes our game. I may even repeat it a few times: “Wait, before I answer your question, I must make one important phone call”. I call her, of course. I may even involve her in role-playing, making her impersonate my lawyer, or advisor, or my private dating guru, or whoever.

One of the secret reasons why a woman sometimes may not want to pick up the phone when a man, she just met calls her, is because a phone call is an abstraction. There’s no real human being, it’s just a little box making sounds. The face-to-face phone conversation makes an important connection in her mind: it associates the phone call with the idea of fun and a close-up image of my face. Suddenly the phone call becomes very personal.

I like the poetry of this: speaking on the phone, face to face, feels like being in a French New Wave movie.

This tactic makes it easier for a girl to pick up the phone when I call her than not to. Human beings tend to choose to do what is the easiest.

Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship The First Kiss

Let’s take a look at a few different ways to initiate a kiss.

These are direct tactics:

“I’d like to kiss you right now”.

“I’d like you to kiss me right now”.

“Kiss me”.

“I keep thinking when would be a good time to kiss you”.

“I can’t help thinking of what’s it like to be kissed by you”.

“You should kiss me now”.

“Let’s kiss.”

“We should kiss in front of all your friends and see how they react”.

“We should go over there and make out”.

“You look really kissable. But we can’t kiss in front of all these people”.

The direct approach to initiate kissing is incredibly easy, provided you have done everything else correctly before it’s time to kiss.

The indirect ways to initiate kissing are often more playful.

Here are a few variations on the famous “close your eyes” routine, accredited to Jack T. Colton of “Romancing the Stone” fame.

“Close your eyes!”—she does, you kiss her.

“Close your eyes”—“Why?”—“Because I want to kiss you!”—“Oh, okay!”—she does, you kiss her.

“Close your eyes”—“Why?”—“Because I want to kiss you”–“No!”—“Okay, then I’ll kiss you with your eyes open!”—“Hahaha!” (you kiss her.)

Or here’s another indirect one: “Lean closer, I want to tell you a secret!” She does, you kiss her. (Credit: Jesse, in “Before Sunrise”.)

A few more:

“Pout your lips a little, like this”. (She does. You kiss her.)

“Tilt your head a little to the left and close your eyes”.

When a woman is telling me some interesting story, I suddenly interrupt her by saying, “Shut up!” (Gently) She stops talking and stares at me. I then kiss her.

If you touch a girl properly, you may get to the point when your hand rests on the back of her neck in a gentle but dominant way. You may want to experiment with this: take a gentle hold of her hair and pull her head back and lean toward her face, staring into her eyes so that she can see that you are going to kiss her. So far this appears direct but it’s not. After a short pause you heave a sigh and say, “Not now”. She exhales with relief and disappointment (mixed in equal proportion), and that’s when you kiss her.

The best and the most underappreciated time for a kiss is the awkward pause.

Play with distance: as she talks and you listen, move a little away from her and then come back in closer. Make her feel comfortable with your physical closeness. Then wait for the first awkward pause—or create it by saying something serious.

Then go for a kiss.

Courtship is very much like a tennis game. I make my move, the next move is hers; and my move prepares her next move while hers prepares mine. Without my move, hers is not likely to happen (such is our social conditioning) There are two possible scenarios here: either I make a move; she makes hers; I make mine; etc.—or I make a move, she drops the ball—I leave the game and find a better tennis partner.

I am ashamed to admit that this is a recent realization. I mistakenly used to think that as a seducer I had to blast through any resistance, with style and panache, and prove to my clients that we can get anyone to give us attention. Something bothered me about this attitude for quite some time. I had to stop doing that so I could see what might needed changing.

And eventually I came to realize that my job is to do something to help a woman make her move. If she doesn’t, well tough luck! I’ll go find someone else to talk to. Anything beyond that is needy.

As soon as I got that, my performance as the courtship instructor improved by about five hundred percent.

If I don’t make a move, I can’t expect a woman to reciprocate. And if I make a lousy move (a net ball), I can’t expect her to reciprocate either.

The problem with a lot of would-be-seducers is that they think they have made the move but a girl doesn’t feel as if she has received anything.

Let me illustrate. Compare these two questions:

“What’s your passion?” and “How many roommates do you live with?”

Which one do you think is easier to answer? The latter one of course! But which one has more immediate relevancy in terms of seduction?

You’re probably tempted to pick the first one, as it seems to be a very personal question requiring a commitment from a woman—and if you think that, you are quite wrong.

The female notion to courtship is very practical. Women, also, tend to recognize and respect a practical attitude toward courtship from men. “How many roommates do you live with?” This is a practical question that comes from the mindset of a man who wants to take a girl to her place and wants to know what he should expect there. “What’s your passion?” comes from a guy whose idea of what’s possible doesn’t stretch beyond holding hands with a girl and talking about accounting. Which one is more likely to attract a woman? (Okay, I admit, there are men out there who can make accounting work as a seductive conversational topic.)

Courtship is often about helping a woman to make the move on you, it’s about doing something that would help her to reciprocate.

I tell her a story not so much for the sake of self-expression but so that I can get her talking; I make a statement that would help her to make her statement or the one that would prompt her to ask me a question; or I ask a question that helps her to tell me something very relevant to the purpose of our mutual seduction.

“How many roommates do you live with?”

“None. I live alone.”—that’s her move; it’s very practical, advances our interaction way ahead, and we both understand what is taking place between us. We have just bypassed all the bullshit talk.

Here’s another situation:

“How many roommates do you have?”

“Why do you want to know?”—that’s also her move, only in this case she wants to be reassured that I’m a safe guy to be around; or she wants to flirt a little. I smile, make eye contact, and say, “Use your imagination”. My smile and eye contact help her to feel that I am her friend.

To expand our tennis analogy a little, in the beginning of the tennis match with the new partner I don’t know how well that partner can play. What I do know though is that I play reasonably well, and don’t waste my time on picking up the serves I’ve dropped. So I make it easy on my new partner, I help her to warm up, and only gradually, eventually give her increasingly harder serves. Where it’s different from tennis is that the fun of interaction is not in making her drop the ball and lose the match, but in keeping the ball in the air. So when I know that she can return tougher serves, the game becomes more fun.

I help a woman to warm up to her best playing ability by asking specific, well-chosen questions.

Luckily, you do not have to reinvent the wheel, because I am going to share these questions with you: further in this book you will find a lot of material about the art of asking questions.

But first—…

Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship Statement of Emotional Feedback

The strongest verbal compliment a woman can receive from a man in the course of the continuous courtship, also known as “relationship“ consists of these three words:

“I love you”.

Unfortunately, men and women mean different things when they say “I love you”.

For a man, more often than not, the three words of “I love you” spell death (or, to be more exact, permanent commitment and full responsibility “till death do us part”—which to many guys is about the same.) It conveys the horror of marriage, pregnancy, mortgage, and college tuition for five kids. Men often think that “I love you”, once said, will come back to haunt them forever. Men also tend to use this justification for not saying those words: “I would honestly say it to a woman if I truly loved her… but I have yet met such a woman”.

Women have a different attitude toward an “I love you”. For a woman it means, “I feel loving toward you now”. It doesn’t protect you from getting her “I hate you” within the next ten minutes, or so, if she happens to change her mind—but then later she will say “I love you” again. Remember the attraction switch-box?

A woman will see the same in your words if you say “I love you”. She is not going to come back to you ten years later and say, “Hey asshole! Remember you told me ten years ago that you loved me? It’s time to pay for your words now”.

Do say “I love you” to a woman. Hearing these words will make her feel so good! They will validate her existence, because a woman’s job in her life on Earth is to be loved. When she feels loved, emotionally she is in the right place.

In a relationship, say “I love you” whenever you feel it.

“I love you” doesn’t have to be deserved. You do not have to justify saying that. You do not have to be “in love” with her to say it. “In love” is overrated, anyway. Love and “in love” are two different things. “In love” is the hormonal storm in your brain. “I love you” are the words said by a mature man who gives his woman his encouragement and support.

Say “I love you” when you want your woman to feel really good.

On the other hand, if you are not yet in a relationship with a woman, saying “I love you” might be a little too early (unless you make it sound a little “not for real”.)

You can take it a notch down, and say, “I like you”.

It is similar to “I love you”, because it also is a compliment to her entire self—body and soul. It’s a more low key, of course.

Do not be too eager to throw round the “I like you” in a short period of time, or the law of diminishing returns will kick in. I suggest that you should say “I like you” a couple of times during a pickup interaction.

“Love” and “like” are not the only two emotions a human being can feel.

Take a look:

“I respect you”.

“I admire you”.

“I worship you”.

“I desire you”.

“I miss you”.

As you can see, the structure here is this:

“I [positive emotion] you”.

As I’ve mentioned, when we say “I like you” (or you may replace “like” with other positive emotions), we compliment a woman’s entire personality.

We may take it one more notch down and at the same time make the compliment even more specific by approving just one particular trait of her character.

The structure in that case is:

I [positive emotion] your [character trait].

Examples:

“I respect your open-minded attitude”.

“I am impressed by your self-discipline”.

“I am humbled by how fit you are”.

“I dig your ability to wrap your legs around your neck”.

62. Name Improvisations

Sex is dream world. Courtship is foreplay. If you want to understand courtship, observe how the dreams work. There is no logic in dreams. Strange, irrational stuff happens all the time. Things that are important in real life lose their meaning; people imagine themselves with someone else while having sex with their lovers; imagine implausible situations, time shrinks and pulsates; emotions of anger and bonding intertwine. Plunge a woman into the realm of imagination, which is the shortcut to sexual fantasies and the shortcut to becoming her lover.

A woman’s name is as good an imagination trigger as any.

Let me show you a few openings in the instant seduction style, where I improvise around a woman’s name.

It requires a little boldness, but works like magic.

For example:

“What is your name?”

“Elizabeth.”

“Do you know what your name means?”

“Nope”.

“I might be wrong here but I think it means “the house of God”… and somehow I feel that the name fits you…”

“Thanks!”

“De nada. I can’t help immediately imagining you wearing a victorian gown on a stormy autumn day on a seashore covered with razor-sharp rocks… breakers are rolling across it… gusts of wind are trying to tear the umbrella out of your hands…”

Or:

“What’s your name?”

“Jennifer.”

“Ha!”

“What’s wrong with being called Jennifer?”

“Nothing. But when I hear that name I think of Jennifer Cavillery who is the female lead in “Love Story”… Now do not go all mushy on me here because she dies in the end… but she has a lot of fun in the beginning…”

Or:

“What’s your name?”

“Celeste.”

“Hmmm…”

“Yeah I know… I’ve been teased about it a lot”.

“Actually I wasn’t going to tease you… But now that you’ve mentioned it… Just kidding… I am Dimitri, so who am I to tease you about your name? And yet, I can’t help seeing you as a nun in a medieval monastery with such a heavenly name… only you are one of those naughty nuns who has discovered her feminine calling… so one night you sneak out of the dormitory to have a tryst with the young gardener… who tears off your nun’s habit… pins you against an ancient oak… and so on. Wow, your pupils have just widened!”

85. Instant Date Question

Questions are in the gray area of medium demand, which makes them relatively difficult to comply with, compared with commands and statements. But they are necessary. We have to learn how to ask questions well.

To whet your curiosity, I am first going to describe to you one very useful pickup tactic built around a simple question:

“What are your plans for later?”

There is a couple of reasons for asking that question:

1) You want to know how much time you have for this interaction, and therefore, what tactics you do and do not have time for, and what you would and would not be able to achieve during that interaction. For example if she leaves in ten minutes, you should throw a quick logistical obstacle, saying,“Well, it’s too bad you gotta be on your way, because I would love to discover more about you. How can we get in touch later?”

2) There’s also a training strategy behind that question, which I’m about to explain.

The question is known as “instant date question”.

This is how it works.

Let’s say, you have a free day, and you plan to dedicate it to going out and practicing your pickup skills—or simply drinking in a bar at night. You have already chosen the venue; you know where you are going to go tonight.

Now it’s about two in the afternoon, and you decide to practice your daytime interactions. You go out, meet a woman in a coffee shop, and a few minutes into the conversation you ask her, “By the way, what are your plans for tonight?”

Then one of a few things can happen. First scenario:

“What are your plans for tonight?”—“No plans, I’m just going home, reading a book and then going to sleep”.

Then you say: “No, you won’t because I have plans for you. (Sound important as you say that; it will make her laugh expectantly.) You continue, “Tonight my friends and I are going to have a very disorganized party at the rooftop bar in Gansevoort Hotel in the meatpacking district. You would be welcome to join us, if you’d like”. Then you deliver the familiar magic formula that usually seals the deal: “Bring as many friends as you want!”

She will or won’t bring her friends with her, but hearing this will let her know that you’re inviting her to a sociable environment where she will feel safe and have fun.

By the way, you are not really lying to her about that party. You are actually going to have a party—only it is indeed a very disorganized party, where everyone pays for their own drinks and no one knows each other before they walk up to each other and introduces themselves. That’s what bars are all about, aren’t they?

If you came to the bar alone, and a girl who shows up to meet you happens to ask, “Well, where are your friends you told me about?”, you may respond with, “Everyone here is my friend! Let’s go and meet people”.—and then you introduce her to any group. You may walk around the bar together, getting to know everyone.

In reality, after practicing your communication skills for only a few weeks, you’ll probably meet a few guys and gals who frequent that bar, and by that time they will have become your friends.

I usually have about a dozen people around me whenever I go out, so when I invite a new girl to join my party, it’s never a lie.

Second scenario:

“What are your plans for tonight?”—“Actually, I am going to party with a few friends down in Pianos bar on the Lower East-side…”

After she says that, you say nothing, just stare at her for a moment —then smile. She will laugh in response, and will say, “Oh… sorry… you’re welcome to join us if you’d like”. Then you say, “Sure! What’s your number, in case I can’t find the place?”

Sometimes you look at her, she looks back, and says nothing. You hold the pause. She says, “What?” Then you say, “Well, I’ll take that as an invitation!” Then she will say, “Oh… sorry… sure, you’re welcome to join us!”

Third scenario:

“What are your plans for tonight?”—“Oh… umm… hmm… I’m actually… having dinner with a friend… at a restaurant… it’s very important… I have to be there…”

This might be the truth, or she is trying to come up with a nice way of saying that she doesn’t feel like spending the evening with you. If the latter is the case, tough luck! Maybe it’s not, though. And anyway, you should remain a gentleman. So you say, “That’s too bad because I was about to invite you to a party. But since you’re busy tonight maybe we could hang out some other time. What’s the best way to get in touch with you?”

Be like water that flows around the obstacles and always finds the way.

Who knows, even if she didn’t like you before, she might begin to like you for being graciously persistent and different: a man who doesn’t give up and who is resourceful in courtship. Women like that.

So now it’s evening, and a woman you met a few hours ago shows up at the bar where you planned to go and practice. As soon as her foot is over the threshold, you are the host, and it’s a date. If you don’t screw up, it’s possible that you just got yourself a girlfriend. The same happens if you join her party.

On the other hand, if she doesn’t show up, and didn’t invite you to join her party—guess what?—she was only one of maybe fifteen or twenty women you approached during your daytime practice, and whenever interactions went well, you asked them “What are your plans for later?”. You’ve approached so many interesting women today, that at least two or three will show up, perhaps with their friends. You’ve just created the party you were telling them about!

 

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Dimitri Vorontzov – Dark Courtship